I forgive you cancer

by Shams Peerbhai
Colorectal cancer survivor
Lynch syndrome positive

Read Shams' Faces of Blue Story

I forgive you Cancer for you not warning my elders of the Lynch syndrome and leaving them on their own predicament and bearing in silence till they could no longer handle the suffering and ultimately succumbing on their deathbed

I forgive you Cancer for messing with my little boy’s head and having him see his dad down on his knees suffering

I forgive you Cancer for making me feel helpless and becoming a joke in my family cos they could not see the true me in my suffering

I forgive you Cancer for the countless doctors visits till I became a regular in the parking garage

I forgive you Cancer for telling not to carry my infant baby girl while I was going thru treatments to get you out of my system as I had to give more importance to you than my own flesh and blood

I forgive you Cancer for giving me neuropathy and not being able to button my shirt or holding a pen till I was suicidal

I forgive you Cancer for the countless doctors visit at MD Anderson till I learnt all the pathways of the hallways

I forgive you Cancer for always making me strip for the nightingales till I didn’t care who saw me in my birthday suit

I forgive you Cancer for messing with my digestive system and forcing me to be in the restroom from dusk till dawn

I forgive you Cancer for the countless pills I had to pop just to keep me at bay from the horrendous pain and suffering

I forgive you Cancer for thinking I was doing fine cos you were only judging a book by its cover

I forgive you Cancer for not being able to insure my own life while I could sell to others all day long

I forgive you Cancer for not letting my wife recover from her c-section cos she was forced to care for me after my diagnosis

I forgive you Cancer for showing me the true colors of friends and family now I know who stood by me in my times of misery

I forgive you Cancer for making my young son go thru therapy to make him forget all this lunacy

I forgive you Cancer for fooling my family that they were immune to this abnormality cos unlike me they were High and mighty

I forgive you Cancer for me forgetting my baby girls first year cos it’s chemo brain they called it

I forgive you Cancer for taking my mom’s right after my treatment, she was probably overwhelmed with the guilt that she gave you to me although she never met you

I forgive you Cancer for messing with my livelihood to feed my family, had to eventually go out and find me a better opportunity

I forgive you Cancer for thinking you could detach me from God but little did you know that he was always by my side

I forgive you Cancer for taking away my strength and excitement because of this ailment, I just had to find me some new entertainment

I forgive you Cancer for the diet that I now have to adapt just to keep you away

I forgive you Cancer for letting my friends and family judge me cos they were going based on the cover I was portraying

I forgive you Cancer for the gift that you keep on giving but please you tried to take me down but look who came out on top

I forgive you for making a mockery of our remedy for this predisposition cos then you will be deprived of all this devastation. It’s alright Lynch Syndrome, you still got me Bitch

I forgive you, I release you as I finally made peace with you.