My journey begins with some routine doctor appointments for well checkups and concern for my forgetfulness. I am a 42-year-old mother of 4 amazing children, 17, 16, 11, and 7.
In the summer of 20
15, I felt as if I was losing my mind – I forgot everything. At the same time, I was having potty problems – either I wasn’t going or was going too frequently. My periods were every two weeks and lasted FOREVER, with an accompanying evil step-sister, a yeast infection, every time.
At first we checked my hormones – I was referred to an Endocrinologist and diagnosed fine. My primary doctor did diagnosis hypothyroid and put me on Synthroid. He also stated that I could be going through early menopause. I was referred to a gyno specialist who decided I was a candidate for ablation. Once the ablation was done we would recheck my hormones. I had that done and the lady parts were happy, yet I was still forgetting and still going to the potty either not enough or too much. I went back to the primary doctor. We did some more blood work and all was good.
Finally, on a follow up visit he asked if I had ever had a colonoscopy. Of course at my age, with no previous colon cancer history in my family, I had not. I had my colonoscopy in September of 2016. When I awoke the doctor stated there was a polyp that should be cut out. While consulting with another doctor, he decided it was too big for him to remove. He would refer me to a surgeon– easy peasy. The surgeon told me, “You are too young to be here…tell me your story.” Again, I heard t
he words, “We will remove this…easy peasy.” The initial date of my surgery was 2 weeks out. This was my wedding day. Really. Is it that urgent or can I postpone? The scheduler confirmed with the surgeon that of course I could get married, be happy, go on my honeymoon, and schedule the surgery for when I returned.
So I did just that, I had my small courthouse wedding with my shiny brand new husband, attended by my four children, his son and our parents. We went to Panama City Beach and enjoyed the sun, ocean, drinks and laughter with not a concern in the world.
When we returned, I worked for the week, got some loose ends in order and prepared. What I was preparing for was not cancer. I was preparing for not waking up from the surgery, and a bit of paranoia set in. Of course though I woke up, the doctors said they removed the polyp and saw no signs for concern. By Wednesday, I had enough of the hospital – I missed my kids, I missed my husband, and I missed my sleep. My grandmother passed away that Wednesday and I really just wanted to come home. The nurses and doctors said they would comply considering my family situation. I came home and I rested for the day, but life continues and you must get up and put one foot in front of the other, or as I like to quote, “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!”.
I drove myself to my follow up appointment anticipating my return to work note I would be receiving. Looking back, I should have saw something coming. The assistant was holding some papers while saying, “The doctor will be with you shortly.” I now realize what she was holding was my pathology report.
The doctor eventually came in, he asked how I was feeling, and then he said, “I did not prepare you for this, so I will prepare you for what to expect. Your pathology report came back cancer.” I can hear him now, and myself saying, “Wait. What?? What are you talking about? What do you mean? How can this be.” My world stopped, literally. He explained I would be receiving a port and 6 months of chemo. I can hear him asking me if I am ok, and did I need to call an
yone? And all I could think was I need to get out of here. I had my middle school son’s parent teacher conferences. I had to go. I sat in my car for a bit before driving. I called my family and friends to talk me through the drive home to keep me breathing, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. It was 3:03 p.m. when my world stopped. My old self no longer existed. My world became cancer.
I was scheduled with the first oncologist who explained it was stage 3 and his treatment options. I scheduled a second opinion and he said the same as the first. Folfox and 5-FU for 6 months, and every other week treatments with the fanny pack for 46 hours. I’ve currently completed 4 of 12. I have encountered issues with hand foot syndrome and thinning hair. I took the plunge and shaved it. I have been reduced once so far for dosing on the 5-FU, and had an injection for the low WBC. I had my next oncology appointment to see where we go with another reduction.
Through these past 2 ½ months I have learned some valuable lessons, as I am sure all who have come face to face with the demon. First it is true, cancer does not have a face until it is yours or someone’s you love. At times I believe this may be harder on those around me than myself. Second – friends (true friends) and family (by choice or love) do not let you fight this alone. They show their strength for you to fight in all kinds of ways. Some with soft whispers of quiet gestures, some with more grandiose. It’s just dependent on their own way of coping. But all are welcome, strengthening and empowering, lifting spirits each day. Then there are those that it is too much for. They can’t handle the diagnosis and slowly disappear. This is difficult, but a lesson learned. That shiny new husband of mine has become my biggest fan and supporter. He has shown his patience and love every day. When I go to bed and he tells me goodnight, the fear starts to sink in. I AM hoping to see him, my family and my friends the next day. I may not be able to visibly see all of them, but through social media I can vent, talk to, get inspiration, strength and hope through a laugh, a text, a how are you doing. This disease may label me – but it will not define me!
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