The day I turned 31, I remember thinking how happy I was. I had everything I ever wanted: an adorable and smart son, a brand new snuggly and sweet daughter, a husband who loves the same kind of adventures as me, a close knit family, great friends, and lots of opportunities for travel and fun. I was so content! I was so excited to be in my thirties and was more confident than I’ve ever been.
Six months later, after having what felt like chronic constipation and a month long fever, I was admitted to the hospital because an emergency CT scan discovered tumors all over my liver; too many to count. A colonoscopy, that was originally denied by a physician on the grounds that I was “too young” for colon cancer, ultimately showed the colon as the primary source of my cancer. I was too stunned to be upset and I honestly felt like it was just a bump in the road of my life. A few months of chemo and I could go back to the life I loved.
A few days later, I was delivered the news that the cancer was terminal. The spread to my liver was extensive and my lymph nodes were also affected. My memories of those first couple weeks are incredibly dark – I would sob for hours when trying to go to sleep. I would get up, bring my kids to daycare, go to work, go to the grocery store, make plans with friends, etc, but it was just going through the motions. It wasn’t until I discovered COLONTOWN, an online support community, as well as other organizations like the Colon Cancer Coalition, that I was able to pull myself from that fog. I finally understood that if I truly only have two years to live, I can’t and won’t spend them crying and upset. I dusted myself off, accepted help, made big plans, and loved as hard as I possibly could.
I still have not had any surgeries and am continuing on chemo for my life path. There are days where I get so pretty annoyed – I have to go through a lot of crap (no pun intended), just to be able to live a few years. Chemo fatigue and other side effects can really drag me down, but the thing that always picks me up is seeing my kids and their love for me. I still cry when I imagine them going through life without me. I get angry when I think of everything my husband will have to do to put the pieces back together, but I’m here. I’m alive. I’m actually relatively healthy, and I won’t stop looking for ways to help other people who have been handed this diagnosis. I never, ever, want another young mom or dad to have to go through this.
My advice to a new patient is to advocate for yourself. If you aren’t comfortable with your oncologist, find a new one. Find a support group and ask questions, and don’t forget to help others if you can. Don’t stop living the life you had planned and don’t stop hoping that good news is coming your way.
You go, girl!! My daughter Jessica Flanigin West was also in the ‘Faces of Blue’ and her legacy of love, fighting, smiling and advocating has changed so many people’s lives. She named her ostomy Winnie-the-Pooh, had the surgeon give back her colon stent so we could make a Christmas ornament…yes, our sense of humor was endless. Her greatest gift occurred ten minutes after she passed. I looked over and saw her smiling…and her smile grew over the next few minutes. She was home, and let me know that she was at peace.
Jenna you are amazing strong fun loving young lady. I remember thinking at your an Jenni’s graduation Wow how fast all of you grew up now this is a great beginning of a new life. I’m so very proud of you and all that you have accomplished the Beautiful family that will always feel your blessings. This is a terrible storm I’m so sad my heart aches for you. But I am so proud that you have the strength and such beautiful strength God is with you, keep the Beautiful smile blessings to you my dear amazing Beautiful Cousin. Always loves hugs to you and your family .
Praying for you! Fight girl fight!
Sending love and hugs and prayers. Mary I’m VA.
Praying for you and your beautiful family. Research the benefits of carrot juice. Keep fighting!!